Posted by: Monishikha | January 30, 2010

On Arranged marriage

I have been reading a lot of posts against “arranged marriages” and many of them rightly so. However, there is another kind of arranged marriage,which is arranged only in the sense that instead of meeting a potential mate by chance, the couple is introduced by design,like we were. The choice of marrying or not is then in the hands of the couple in question.

In such a situation, the  scales are not loaded against the woman, because she also has a choice. The choice to marry a certain kind of person, just like she would in a so called “love” marriage, where she had met someone by chance.And should she have an idea about the kind of person she wants to marry,like I did, then this is a good way of going about it.

In any marriage, happiness depends on a lot of factors ,some of which are beyond anyone’s control.So how can anyone claim that a “love” marriage is the only kind of marriage that has any chance of being a happy one.I feel that the success of a marriage has more to do with whether the people in question are reasonable adults than the manner in which they first met.So ,I guess I am just asking that we stop to think before we condemn ALL arranged marriages. At the very least, lets  stop confusing arranged marriages with forced marriages.

Should you chose to comment, please keep the following in mind-

As in all of my posts, this is MY view point,based on MY experience.Your experience and reasonable comments about this subject are welcome.

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Responses

  1. I agree with you wholeheartedly – arranged marriages can be amazing – marriage is an association – everybody (meaning the couple in case of marriage) has to contribute – only then can you get something in return – unfortunately a lot of people think it is a compromise – the very thought compromises the marriage!

  2. I can't comment. Presently I am 'in love' with my 'arranged bachelorhood' ;)Happy life to you!

  3. :):) you a bengali too?:):)Loved the GN3 bit!

  4. known or unknown..each marriage is like a fingerprint.Unique.
    No one can guarantee a pattern…there are enough examples living around us with all results..

    like i know of a couple who randomly met in a train and lived happily ever after..and the couple who divorced 1 year into their marriage following their courtship of 6 years !

    methinks it is a gamble.No one knows how the cookie crumbles.
    Idea is to keep working at it every day without taking each other for granted.

    • You said it! BTW, looks like the awesomeness of this blog hasn’t killed you …yet 😉

  5. I have been meaning to write about these kinds of arranged marriages too. I agree with you, these arranged marriages are very different from ‘forced marriages’ (or almost forced marriages), because the final decision here rests with the girl and the boy. The families basically introduce the couple.

    • That would nice IHM , looking forward to reading it, as I do , most of your posts 🙂

  6. Doesn't everything depend on individuals and what they define marriage as?? Arranged marriages have a greater chance of failure because they are 'arranged' on the basis of matching horoscope, family name and standing, financial dealings aka dowry etc. By 'failure' I mean ending up as 'zombie' marriages which is the statistics so proudly touted as 'successful' marriages in India as opposed to the West, because it has not ended in a legal divorce, but which according to me have to be counted as 'divorced' because it is as good as is.I am not saying all love marriages succeed either, because success of any marriage depends on the individuals concerned. But 'arranged' marriage is something you get into with a handicap and is purely a game of chance. Your sort of marriages are not yet common enough. Decisions in the majority of cases are still made by parents or by the youngsters in the five minutes the girl/boy pre-screened by parents are allowed to glimpse each other or talk. That, is still the reality out there for too many. 🙂

  7. Shail,Arranged marriages as described in your comment (based solely on horoscopes etc) are probably the most common kind in India, and probably do end up as marriagesin name only. However, who is to say that "love marriages" , in which the couples choose each other based on initial attraction towards the best side of their personalities thatthey show to each other , dont end up in rough waters when reality dawns post marriage and love and fresh air are not enough.As you've rightly inferred,one of the points I wanted to makewas that each marriage is different and not doomed to failure or selected for eternal bliss, depending on whether it's an arranged marriage or a love marriage. The other pointis that , even if my kind of arranged marriage is not yet as common as the other kind,it deserves a mention, as a sign of a change for the better.


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